beauty from pain

(Source: insidetheloop, via safercampus)

1:45 pm • 1 February 2012 • 1,486 notes

So recently I’ve been seeing some misuse of terminology commonly used re: asexuality. And it’s bugging me a bit! So in my own infinite vanity, I decided to compile a list of some useful terms people seem to get muddled up a lot, and some other concepts that, again, people sometimes get sort of… wrong.

lol now of course now I’m going to somehow fuck something up myself or something

Please note that these are the commonly accepted definitions as I understand them, but that individuals sometimes adapt them to meet their own needs!

Asexual: used both as an umbrella term for ‘the asexual spectrum’, and as an identity which involves a lack of sexual attraction to people. (Does not necessarily mean, ‘does not have sex ever’, or ‘does not desire sex’.)

Ace: an umbrella term for ‘the asexual spectrum’; a person who calls themselves ‘an ace’ is somebody on said spectrum. (Tip: calling someone ‘an ace’ can be kind of bad if they’re not OK with it! It’s a little dehumanising. Like if somebody called me ‘a transgender’ I might be angry at them, see?)

Grey-A: somebody who falls into the ‘space between’ being asexual and not being asexual. Usually used as an umbrella term.

Grace: apparently the counterpart to ‘ace’. It seems to be new-ish? Hey, so did you know that ace people are puntastic? What the hell is up with the puns.

Demisexual: somebody who only experiences secondary sexual attraction. Basically, a person who isn’t attracted to somebody for their looks, their mannerisms, their mind, etc., but who experiences attraction instead based on their emotional bond with the person. E.g you fall in love with them and as a direct consequence, find them sexually attractive.

Hyposexual: sometimes a synonym for grey-A, often used to specifically mean someone with a dramatically low or non-existent sex drive. So, basically, doesn’t want to have sex. Not necessarily the same as being asexual.

Aromantic: does not experience romantic attraction. Please note that contrary to very popular belief, this is not the same as not experiencing love, period. It refers to romantic attraction.

Grey-romantic: basically the romantic equivalent of the above grey-A definition.

Queerplatonic: a relationship that is not “typically” romantic/sexual/both. No, not like “really really good friends”. It’s sort of… idiosyncratic, I suppose, it’s difficult to define. I usually tell people it’s sort of like being a couple without the romance, but that’s not necessarily true for everyone.

Zucchini: the above, which started as a frustrated joke at how any attempts to define queerplatonic are thwarted by a lack of adequate vocabulary, so let’s just call it something random and call it a day. (As in, ‘XYZ is my zucchini’.)

___romantic: hetero-, homo-, pan-, etc. Basically, romantic orientation as held separate from sexual orientation.

Asexy: like sexy but for ace people who don’t find the term appropriate. The puns just keep coming, y’all.

Aversive/repulsed: this is a personal declaration that a person ispersonally squicked out/triggered/generally doesn’t react well to sex. This is a pretty wide category: some people only have the reaction when it’s about them having sex, some people have it regardless of who’s doing the sexin’. It does not mean that they think sex is objectively this terrible, repulsive thing, it means that they have apersonal reaction of repulsion/aversion to sex. I cannot emphasise this enough, mmkay?

Indifferent: exactly what it sounds like. Somebody who just doesn’t really feel either a desire to have or a desire to avoid sex. ‘Apathetic’ works too.

Why do you keep making cake jokes: apparently this is an ‘ace people like cake instead of sex’ thing or something, which is clearly wrong because pie is superior, goodness, keep up people.

Asexual symbols: the ones I know of are ace cards (hearts typically means romantic, I believe it’s spades which is used for aromantic/general?), a black ring on the middle finger of the right hand, the AVEN triangle (which isn’t related to the pink triangle), the asexual flag (black, grey, white, purple), and… probably more I don’t know.

AVEN: the Asexual Visibility and Education Network. This site. Contrary to popular belief, not the be-all-end-all of the ace community. Kind of controversial for some people, since there tends to be a focus on a specific type of ace narrative that’s considered acceptable, but also a community a lot of people get a lot out of. Personally, I’ve got no experience whatsoever with the place beyond observation.

Now, things asexuality is not:

Celibacy: celibacy is the avoidance of sexual behaviour through a concious decision. It doesn’t automatically say anything about who you’re attracted to or what you enjoy doing.

Abstinence: see above.

Hating sex as a concept: not saying that nobody in the ace community engages in anti-sex rhetoric, but there’s nothing inherent in asexuality that encourages it. Asexuality and slut shaming are absolutely different. And also slut shaming is terrible, don’t do it.

‘Lacking in sexuality’: in the sense of, ‘lacking sexual appeal/a fictional character who is homosexual but not shown acting sexually/etc.’; basically, asexual as a descriptor. This is really common, like, when talking about double standards in the media; ‘they made this gay guy so asexual compared to all the straight guys!’. No. They didn’t allow him to express his sexuality. There’s a difference in those two concepts.

So yes.

Ahhh, now I feel better. This was sort of bugging me recently, seeing all this misinformation going around. And now I have something to link people too, I guess.

gotta do a talk on this anyway! thanks! will credit. <3

(via safercampus)

1:43 pm • 1 February 2012 • 337 notes

pinkfans:

@Pink

Photographer: Bryan Adams - 2005

1:29 pm • 1 February 2012 • 11 notes

“The belief that female sexual expression is uniquely dehumanizing is a double standard, no matter how much you dress it up in feminist language. Instead of condemning young women for the length of their skirts, why not use that energy for condemning anyone who would think that a woman is lesser-than because she wears a miniskirt?”

— Amanda Marcotte (via feminismduh)

(via safercampus)

1:28 pm • 1 February 2012 • 169 notes

kiddbeatz:

Beatboxing is my life.

1:18 pm • 1 February 2012 • 9 notes

“The shedding of tears is not the sign of weakness. For it’s the acceptance of hurt, and the next step of moving on.”

1:18 pm • 1 February 2012

“Friendship marks a life even more deeply than love. Love risks degenerating into obsession, friendship is never anything but sharing.”

1:16 pm • 1 February 2012

I've Learned. (Stumbled)

melmyfinger:

by Omer B. Washington

I’ve learned that you cannot make someone love you.
All you can do is be someone who can be loved.
The rest is up to them.
I’ve learned that no matter how much I care,
some people just don’t care back.
I’ve learned that it takes years to build up trust
and only seconds to destroy it.
I’ve learned that it’s not what you have in your life
but who you have in your life that counts.
I’ve learned that you can get by on charm for about fifteen minutes.
After that, you’d better know something.

I’ve learned that you shouldn’t compare yourself
to the best others can do,
but to the best you can do.
I’ve learned that it’s not what happens to people,
It’s what they do about it.
I’ve learned that no matter how thin you slice it,
there are always two sides.
I’ve learned that you should always leave loved ones with loving words.
It may be the last time you’ll see them.
I’ve learned that you can keep going
long after you think you can’t.

I’ve learned that heroes are the people who do what has to be done
When it needs to be done,
regardless of the consequences.
I’ve learned that there are people who love you dearly,
but just don’t know how to show it.
I’ve learned that sometimes when I’m angry I have the right to be angry,
but that doesn’t give me the right to be cruel.
I’ve learned that true friendship continues to grow even over the longest distance.
Same goes for true love.
I’ve learned that just because someone doesn’t love you the way you want them to
doesn’t mean they don’t love you with all they have.

I’ve learned that no matter how good a friend is,
they’re going to hurt you every once in a while
and you must forgive them for that.
I’ve learned that it isn’t always enough to be forgiven by others.
Sometimes you have to learn to forgive yourself.
I’ve learned that no matter how bad your heart is broken,
the world doesn’t stop for your grief.
I’ve learned that our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are,
but we are responsible for who we become.
I’ve learned that just because two people argue, it doesn’t mean they don’t love each other.
And just because they don’t argue, it doesn’t mean they do.

I’ve learned that sometimes you have to put the individual
ahead of their actions.
I’ve learned that two people can look at the exact same thing
and see something totally different.
I’ve learned that no matter the consequences,
those who are honest with themselves go farther in life.
I’ve learned that your life can be changed in a matter of hours
by people who don’t even know you.
I’ve learned that even when you think you have no more to give,
when a friend cries out to you,
you will find the strength to help.

I’ve learned that writing,
as well as talking,
can ease emotional pains.
I’ve learned that the people you care most about in life
are taken from you too soon.
I’ve learned that it’s hard to determine where to draw the line between being nice
and not hurting people’s feelings and standing up for what you believe.
I’ve learned to love
and be loved.

I’ve learned.

(via abadchris)